40 Ways My Labyrinth is Like My Life--#22

22. It's sometimes embarrassing--passersby wonder, What is she doing??

I never used to like the idea of a labyrinth. They're often in parks and church yards, and it looks kind of silly, with a person or persons walking slowly around in circles, gazing earnestly at their feet. I didn't want to do that, though I wondered what it would be like, and what thoughts or insights it might invite into my mind. I thought if I could come at dawn, or find a labyrinth out in the middle of the woods or something, then I might try it.

But the stone walls and razor wire are down now. Lower boundaries serve me better. So while I still don't care much for plain labyrinths on concrete, I walk them sometimes. I'd still be happy with one in the woods, and have considered creating a more irregular prayer walk through my own woods, with some spots for sitting and pondering.

My labyrinth is right in the middle of those two extremes. It is more or less in the open, being set in a small green field with a state highway passing by, but it is also partly screened by a row of old sugar maples. It is flat, not within hedges or walls, but it has dwarf fruit trees and berry vines trained on wires between fence posts. I imagine that in a few years, it will be somewhat secluded when you walk, at least in parts and at least for parts of the year--and that will still be my preference. In the meantime, I walk it without imagining that passersby are particularly interested. If they are, I recognize that they're more likely to be curious or even envious. I used to imagine that they would be critical or mocking.

I used to live my life that way, too, wondering or worrying what it looked like to others, despite the fact that since my earliest childhood I have wanted to please God, not humans. I've repeated the adage that those who worry about what others think of them would be surprised to learn how seldom others do. Still, I worried. I lived my life by my own choices, and did fairly well at least not making actual decisions based on what I thought others wanted from me. But still I worried. I could never figure out why.

Now, having dug down to the deepest dungeons under the supervision of an experienced and godly "interior explorer," I understand where all that was coming from. It's gone. Thank the good Lord!

As you can clearly see, it's my thoughts that have changed. Nothing else.